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    KINNE

    a slap in the face

    a slap at the back

    a silent scream

    a confession made to a friend

    a mental affair

    a physical affair

    waiting

    a longing for value

    a longing for rest

    a need to be seen

    a wish to stay alone

    a hundred unacknowledged calls

    a hundred calls

    sleeping

    a never-ending search for a lost keepsake

    a never-ending search for a lost photograph

    an antipathy against people who are needy

    an insight about oneself‘s neediness

    a hundred disunions

    at least one reunion

    having sex

    an uncountable number of afternoons getting over lost friends

    an uncountable number of afternoons only masturbating

    an uncountable number of afternoons imagining to be someone else

    an uncountable number of afternoons ordering someone else‘s clothes

    an uncountable number of afternoons reserving these orders done drunken

    an uncountable number of afternoons starting to drink in lack of actions of priority

    eating

    a hidden schwarmerei

    a thing thrown away because it felt like ballast

    a failed try to get this thing back from the dustbin

    a failed try to find exactly the same in the internet

    an afternoon spent with finding options to recreate this object

    an afternoon spent to remember all the objects thrown away that weren‘t missing

    reading

    some days spent drinking

    some days spent thinking about now to stop drinking

    some days spent thinking about how to stop drinking

    some days spent trying to stop drinking

    some days spent sober

    crying

    beginning to write a diary

    reading the diary after two days

    maybe a fault

    stop writing a diary

    texting friends senseless messages and memes of wisdom

    smiling

    in German there is a word which is the moment between smiling and laughing

    it is SCHMUNZELN

    a great word

    my fave word

    it is something that is happening to you

    suddenly you find yourself doing that

    and it‘s something you can do alone or with very good friends

    like SCHWEIGEN

    - holding one‘s peace

    aus: centre of moon, exhibition, Berlin 2020

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